3 posts tagged “bacon”
Only $99.95, and it's bacon scented!
Val -- Bacon. It's always in good taste.
LT -- Tuxedo, get it? Virtual snorgles to the whole clan! :-D
Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo
There's a theory that everything is better with bacon. We believe that theory with all of our heart. To that end, we are introducing our line of bacon formal wear with Uncle Oinker's Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo. You can get married in bacon, get confirmed in bacon or go to the Oscars in bacon! Wait until Joan Rivers gets a whiff of you. Each Tuxedo is tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric in one of four different sizes. Best of all, it smells just like bacon sizzling in the pan. Dry clean only.
Bacon fans, rejoice! The crafty geniuses at The AntiCraft have produced a special bacon issue that is a veritable smorgasbord of porky goodness, from quirkily representational to wildly improvisational. A sampling:
Bacon of Hate: Don't spend your time seething when your bacon can do it for you.
Baconhenge: What do you do with a hungry druid?Sometimes I just have too many things to hate on. My negative energy is going in all sorts of directions and nothing is getting the full-strength of my evil laser rays. This is where the Bacon Of Hate comes in. All you have to do is write down the object of your loathing on a slip of paper, tuck it into the pocket on the back of your Bacon Of Hate, and it will send focused hate-beams directly to the intended source. You can make as many of these malevolent tools as you need.
Bacon Lollipop: A perfect gift for the sweet-toothed pork aficionado in your life.Let Baconhenge be the site of your seasonal celebration! Let bacon stand in for the sacrificed Year King, French toast for the Grain Goddess, the eggs in the frittata for the Cosmic Egg, and the vegetables for the bountiful Earth on which we live. Blessed be!
A Vegan Wrapped in Bacon (scarf): Also good for kinky cosplay if you ever wanted to pretend you were a tender cut of meat during sex.It's definitely not kosher, but once you make that initial leap of faith and try it out, we're positive that you'll love it. The salty chunks of bacon make a delicious and unique counterpoint to the subtle sweetness of the maple, and oh, yeah--you'll be eating an oh-my-god bacon lollipop!
Chicken-fried bacon: The way we see it, he's doing the Lord's work, hurrying folks home to the arms of baby Jesus.This pattern is an official protest to the bacon issue of The AntiCraft. The scarf is double knit out of Blue Sky organically grown cotton so it is reversible and no animals were harmed in the process.
All content ripped straight off The AntiCraft. Many thanks to my former coworker Beth for setting me on this greasy trail yesterday. And FYI I think I had a small coronary while typing up this post.
For those too lazy to click through to the article, note (or better yet, memorize) the magic formula below:
N = C + {fb(cm) . fb(tc)} + fb(Ts) + fc . ta
N = force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon
fb = function of the bacon type
fc = function of the condiment/filling effect.
Ts = serving temperature.
tc = cooking time.
ta = time or duration of application of condiment/filling.
cm = cooking method
C = Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.
Can you imagine how much bacon these folks had to put away before they had this thing nailed? I am in so the wrong line of work.
